ever feel like you can’t do enough? im a youth pastor. thats my job title.  

i want to build and grow the kingdom of God, that people might see how much God actually loves them; but can i? 

can i really do anything? i can say, “jesus loves you.” i can even act it out. but they will still wonder, is he doing this for himself? does sam do this because its his job? what is he getting out of this? 

the problem with sin is we are all infected with it. so that my best efforts will oft fall on deaf ears, cynical hearts, and blank stares. sin permeates our hearts and minds so that even when we love each other we cant fully accept and appreciate it. 

this must really frustrate God. his best gifts to us are scrutinized and questioned. God gets frustrated.  

God gets so frustrated that he sent Jesus, the ultimate gift. but that wasnt enough for us. we still scrutinize the ultimate selfless act ever committed; in the entirety of world history. 

but we need… we need more gifts, more money, more comfort.

do you? 

“what is your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

i’m very aware of how jaded and cynical this sounds. maybe i have been listening to damien rice too often, but maybe, just maybe, i need to remember this more. 

do you know how few christians think about God’s frustration and jealousy? 

think about it. 

God gave you all of himself in Jesus, complete access to total HOLINESS & PERFECTION; and your, nay, our reaction has been picking and choosing what parts of Him work for us and our situation. 

Lord let me not forget. 

“the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” The woman said to him, “I know that Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.””

we can’t ever do enough. but we can worship and accept the grace offered. there are two directions in life; right and wrong, good and evil, selflessness and selfishness. 

choose. 

Lord, forgive my cynical heart and downtrodden attitude towards life. Let me live in the light of your grace to love others as you do; wholly, completely, and in spirit and truth.

This may seem an odd connection but bear with me. Yesterday I drove my brother to the airport and we began discussing the fantasy genre of literature. We are both pretty big nerds and like to unwind with a wizard riding on a dragon fighting trolls; ok that was sarcastic, but not far from truth. 

What got me thinking was the connection of fantasy literature (and probably most fiction) to sin and a wasted life. Most good fantasy novels today spend large amounts of time tackling moral grey areas in life. A protagonist is faced not with right or wrong, but with what is best for them in their reality at any given time. 

Hunger Games is a poplar series with a movie trilogy on the horizon. Its a great series of books that I really enjoyed and even recommend to others. But what is it teaching? The main character is constantly faced with choices for herself or others, right or wrong. Though she does make some choices for others, her motivation is really for herself and her own survival. 

Game of Thrones was and HBO TV series based on the fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.” its a GREAT story, but why is it so popular? there is no right or wrong, only peoples circumstances and motivations to better their own situation. In fact, the morally upright either die or fail in their conquests while the liars and cheaters prosper.

How can this be? what does modern literature say to society? In my own humble opinion it says we need to find OUR truth, OUR reality, OUR happiness. 

Really? What Does God say? 

“I am the way, the truth, and the Life, NO ONE comes to the father except through me.” 

Odd. Jesus says nothing about relative truth. 

This is part of what is poising society today. People feel entitled, special, and that their truth matters; when it really doesn’t matter any more than all those who have died before them and had to face their maker. 

God is good, His truth is absolute, and everything in opposition is SIN. 

this is what we face every day. young men and women who have been told they are entitled to something, when they are entitled to nothing. This is the attitude that motivates society today, just look at occupy wall street. You dont deserve anything, you are blessed by God with what you have and you are responsible for it in your Christian community. We have only what God gives us, and we ought to live like it. 

GIve all you have for what is GOOD, and only God is good.

what if we approached life like this? 

Lord of the Rings is the best fantasy series ever written, don’t try and argue it. Part of that is the depth, history, intricacy; but I would say more-so its good vs evil, right vs. wrong. It is a story of people from every walk of life giving all they have to stop something that cannot be tolerated; evil. Though Tolkien didnt write allegory, it was no doubt a reflection of the impact of his Christian belief. This world is about good vs. evil. 

who among us doesn’t enjoy a good read into a creative world? but know what you are reading. Know what your worldview is and compare it to the ABSOLUTE truth of scripture. 

This is what we are up against. We get it from every angle. Even us super-nerds have to put God first. 

why doesn’t the general public respect Christianity? 

i can think of lots of reasons.

as a big sports fan this is one that bugs me. biggest/most well known religious institution in the country? Notre Dame. can they not think of a better way to spend their resources than REAL GOLD in the new helmets? some may not see it as a big deal. 

but its the little things, the details of where we place importance in our lives. and us Christians stink at the details. 

worship is a response to what we value most. Football? or the calling Jesus has placed on our lives? i vote jesus. 

swing and a miss ND. 

i am consistently impressed and encouraged by what God does in spite of me, while at the same time wondering why people are drawn to mega-churches. the two may not seem to relate, but to me, they do. 

5 years ago i probably would have admitted to wanting to be a “big deal” type person in the christian world. maybe a mix of rob bell and dallas willard. communicate like bell, bring the theological rock like willard; be a christian rockstar. man, that would be the definition of being used by God wouldnt it? 

Lord, im your clay, mold me; and if you could make my into a giant ornate steeple atop a thriving church, that would be better than a bedpan. 

i know why i thought like that, i was 22 and coming out of a major evangelical institution. ready to change the world.

what i cannot fathom is why supposed “mature” adults think like this, why people still want whats easy? why we all want to look so great to everyone else? Gods blessing of salvation is not a mile wide and an inch deep. we read books about being consumers, we study the scriptures, and find out more about jesus’ love for us. and that’s somehow good enough?  

God’s blessing of salvation is the ability to be free. free of what others think and who you were in the past. not a better life, smaller mortgage, and having the perfect family with 2.5 kids and a dog. 

the model Jesus left us is so upside down from what we think we know, it boggles my mind. which is why im amazed at what God has done in spite of me. i pursued the mega church mentality of preaching to thousands to find myself mowing lawns. i studied the scriptures to wow people with my theology only to find myself wearing a green apron and serving coffee to pushy downtown business folks. i had lots of people like me, but no one really know me; crying myself to sleep at 25. 

yet here i am. 

not a giant ornate steeple, and not a bedpan. God formed this clay into a usable, average sized, not flashy but effective coffee mug. an image im reminded of by a mug given to me from a dear friend. this friend knew me at my worst and still saw Christ in me.

im amazed at what he does in spite of me.

i dont hate mega-churches. i grew up in one and found jesus at one of the biggest mega-camps in the country. the gospel is truth, and the truth saves people. any church that preaches Jesus Christ is fine by me.

im just not wired the way of “mega” anything. i want people to grow, to be mentored, to find things most just aren’t finding in the bigger churches because its too easy there. its too easy to look perfect and fit in 2 hours a week. its too easy to disappear into mediocrity. 

what about jesus was mediocre? 

let people know you. let people see your faults. dig your heels in even though you dont like the worship and invest in your community. ask someone with more life under belt buckle their thoughts and advice. 

and please, please, please, get to know your God through his word and not your feelings. our feelings can deceive us, HIS Word cannot. 

thank you Lord. 

today i just dont have much time. 

but i wanted to write some things down as they spin around in my head. 

i try to be open and honest about my faith with anyone who asks, and for the most part i think i am. im not going to air all my dirty laundry on the street corner, however, i also feel im fairly transparent. 

i can totally see why people love the american church, and, why it drives me insane. 

if i didnt work in my church i probably would go to a cool, hip, young church body that met my needs and gave me good community to grow and thrive. i would be a little cooler, a little less cynical, and a LOT less burdened. 

as it stands though, im 100 percent committed to my place and current church body (i was going to say 110 percent, but lets be real; not possible and it bugs me when other people say that). whats more, i know why and it kills me. Jesus says in Matthew that all authority on this earth and the next is given to him, and to do what he told us while he walked among us. 

“blessed be the peacemakers.” that one stinks. i dont want to help fix whats broken, i want to go to a place that is already fixed. 

“blessed are the poor in spirit.” really? so because my heart shatters for those who dont care im blessed? i dont feel blessed. i feel tired and worn out. honestly, the more i study scripture the more i want to be a monk and just spend my days farming and working out my own issues and theology. Other people exhaust me.

“blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.” ok, i can get with that. i like studying and pursuing God, i love learning truth and being encouraged with God’s story of redemption. but what about those to say they want righteousness but just go through the motions? those who treat the church like walmart. cheap goods that cost them little to nothing. how do we get them to care? what about the parents the share their marginalized faith with their kids making a new generation of apathetic hypocrites?  

this is why people love the american church and why its going to be the end of me. 

its so messed up i cannot leave it without giving my life to try and help, because its my home on this messed up earth. its the place i feel loved and filled; through people as well as the Holy Spirit. where else would a group of a couple hundred listen to a 27 year old kid who loves God every sunday? 

i want to be a monk. 

i want to be a hipster working in a bike shop. 

i want to be a construction worker. 

i want to go home. 

but im a servant. so ill serve. im not God, so ill serve God. 

i think im going to go get some ice cream. always seems to put me in a better mood. thanks for ice cream Lord. 

claridon:

I have just started reading, ‘Radical Together,’ David Platt’s second eagerly read-only-to-be-completely-ignored book.

Picking out a few quotes from the first chapter, maybe you can see why.

The Gospel compels the church to go to God with everything we have and everything we do and then ask,…

(via tylermiller)

substance is becoming increasingly difficult to find in the american evangelical church. it seems not like finding a needle in a haystack as a needle in deep black space. 

that may sound overly-harsh because of my day i had yesterday. but its how i feel, so there. just be happy im not writing a damien rice-esque song instead. 

i feel like youth of yesterday are teaching the youth of today bad habits in spirituality and sanctification. many youth pastors came from big youth groups where grace was abused, taken advantage of, and an easy way out of trouble. in addition, no biblical teaching outside of the gospels & epistles was necessary because the next feel good sermon was only a page or two away from john 3.16. 

this idea apparently was not just a problem in my youth group. growing up i have noticed almost zero desire in the church for sanctification deeper than what others see. why would we continue to be more like christ? we have good jobs, good cars, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever, we got it all. this is what the youth of america see in their role models. a pretty face on sunday: fighting and abuse at home. making a casserole for bible study on wednesday night: using family resources for addiction and upkeep of image. 

and i am supposed to get youth excited about christ and a lifetime of service? 

yeah right. 

lately it seems my only hope is to give in, buy a fog machine and play popular hip hop songs while trying to be relevant through wearing graphic tees. 

maybe if i only taught on the easy stuff in scripture. 

im sure i could connect with more kids if we did less service projects and more laser tag for jesus. 

bump that. 

i refuse to perpetuate the lie american evangelicals believe. i refuse to end every sermon with an alter call and be seeker-sensitive. i will teach truth. i will preach the gospel while teaching about the consequence of sin and importance of spiritual growth until death. fasting, prayer, reading scripture, community, silence, solitude are the traits that lead to depth and substance. that is what i will practice and teach. nothing else. 

my youth group will never be huge because of it. people will find me abrasive at times. and the gospel will offend those who want cheap grace. that’s not my problem. 

we need more growth in our church. it does not come by being seeker sensitive and using “the message,” playing videos from the pulpit, or even potlucks(unless the potluck is in skid row for those without food). read more, pray more, love more, LISTEN A LOT MORE, an do it because Jesus is YOUR GOD, not your friend. 

***i wrote this half out of frustration from a tough day at church and half from what the Lord continues to show me. I love the church with all my heart which is why i am here to stay and help correct the problems i see. we are all broken and need more Jesus, i want to help Christians see they are trying to run on broken legs, not be the one who fixes their legs, that jobs belongs to our Lord and Savior; Jesus Christ.***

Good family friends of mine. Similar story of God’s unrelenting grace and providence. AMEN!

tylermiller:

This morning, I am moved by, and deeply thankful for what God has done in my life and in my family. Years ago, He revealed Himself to us and allowed us to experience and embrace His love.

Life without him is ultimately empty, my family has walked those paths. Life with Him has its highs and its lows, it’s still just life in a broken place, but in the end, it is filled with hope and joy and meaning that is ultimately inexpressible yet filled with glory. (1 peter 1:8)

Here’s to the God who entered the decay of our world with the grace and love to make ALL things new. He is true and GOOD.

Here’s to his relentless pursuit of my dad, a man who was a drug addicted, self-proclaimed atheist.

Here’s to His grace and power which effortlessly took my dad’s decades of running and doubt and rage and turned them into a magnifying glass for what grace can do in a life and a heart.

Here’s to how He transformed a broken life into a humble life of thanksgiving and faith that now ministers with deep empathy, humility, and love, to people who are walking the paths that now lay behind him.

Our God is good.

I love you dad. 

Thank you Jesus.